Effective leaders can’t see dead people – but they possess a kind of sixth sense for reading those around them. During a summer internship in college I setup a number of meetings with the executives of the company to learn more about leadership. One lesson from the CEO to this day clearly stands out in my mind.

He said that his best leadership gift was his ability to know the keys to motivating each of his executives and managers.

As a brainy introvert, I make plenty of “people” mistakes, but I’ve worked hard to understand the emotional side of our selves and how it motivates so many of our actions. As leaders, how do we get past well-crafted facades to discern our team members’ true priorities, motivations, potential and even pain thresholds? For this post I wanted to share four areas I watch that help me discover other’s attitudes and motives.

Non-verbal communication. The old adage “Actions speak louder than words” aptly characterizes non-verbal communication. Gestures, touch, body language or posture, facial expression, and eye contact all provide insight into someone’s state of mind. The difficulty of “faking” these cues leads us to believe they hold the truth about how someone really feels, even when their verbal message contradicts their non-verbal communication.

Tone of voice. We mastered this as teenagers.

Choices. Priorities are a funny thing. They’re easy to say and hard to live. Wouldn’t it be nice to only deal with (and be!) fully integrated, perfectly healthy, fearless, secure individuals? Then implementing our plans wouldn’t be that tough. Since that’s not the case, and people naturally tend to try to hide unappealing needs, a leader must often look to a person’s choices to discern what they truly value.

Personal history. Closely related to the idea of choices is personal history. However, personal history encompasses a longer timeline – it is the quilt knit together by a patchwork of individual choices.

Reading people is a value neutral skill. Obviously, how we use it is up to us and reflects our character. A fine line exists between motivation and manipulation - one of the great management gurus, the late Fred Smith, Sr., aptly described the difference: 

“Motivation is getting people to do something out of mutual advantage. Manipulation is getting people to do what you want them to do primarily for your advantage.”

Questions: What other areas help you to better understand people? How do you keep from crossing the line between motivating and manipulating?